Masturbation is Key to Man’s Long Life

BATON ROUGE, LA -It is often said that a glass of wine every day with dinner guarantees a longer life; however, Admon Gracer says he has never let a sip of wine touch his lips and he has just celebrated his 125th birthday. For the first time he reveals his secret of long life to the world.

“I tell all my friends, to stop looking for miracle cures and magic diets, because they don’t exist. Just jerk off once in the morning and once at night and you will live a long life.”

Medical experts seem to agree with Mr. Gracer. “We are programmed, as best we know, to need orgasms,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in Athens, Ga. “It’s a fundamental aspect of men’s health, right up there with brushing your teeth.” And the more you do it the longer you can live. It relieves stress and keeps everything about your body—your heart rate, blood pressure, reproductive system, brain chemistry—in very good shape,” Brame says.

A recent study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Regularly flushing your system, so to speak, keeps your semen healthy and prevents the build up of cancer-causing chemicals.

Mr. Gracer who is losing his eyesight says that he tries to jerk off at least three times a day. “Sometimes I can’t see where it is and wonder why it’s taking so long to bust a nut, then my old lady tells me that for all that time I was jerking off my finger. I wondered why it felt so bony. So sometimes I have to pay someone to jerk off for me. This isn’t about pleasure; this is about living life as long as I can. My great-great-grandaddy lived to be 132-years-old so I have a few years to go if I want to beat his record.”

The interview was cut short when he excused himself for his daily jerk session. But he did leave some parting words.  “Men do yourself a favor and jerk off, you’ll live longer,” Gracer says. “It cleans out the plumbing.”