Male Virgin Can’t Believe He Blew Chance to Have Sex

Male Virgin Can’t Believe He Blew Chance to Have Sex

GROTON, CT – 24-year-old Geeroy Roshawn Johnson, one of the few male virgins still living in Groton, has reported that he blew his only chance to have sex this year. “I really don’t understand how this happened!! I was so close…” he told reporters, who were just as shocked as he was. A few weeks ago, Geeroy met Kiera Adams, a Hooters girl, while they were both shopping in a vegetarian fish market. It was love at first site for Geeroy when they both reached for the last pound of organic Pacific weed. They exchanged phone numbers and after weeks of sweet talking, they agreed to go out on a date. Geeroy planned everything for the evening, including dinner at Mugs N Jugs, an extravagant ride home in a rented white limousine and three different size packs of condoms, just in case. The night, according to him, was going very well and he only had to reference his cue cards once which gave him hope that he would get to use one of those condoms and finally lose his virginity. Kiera loved the flowers he bought for her and wanted to give him something nice in exchange. After dinner they went back to his place where Kiera delivered a lap dance complemented by a (blood-rising) twerking session to Pop That P***y. This is when the trouble began. While gyrating to the lyrics Pop that ass, girl make it rotate/I say girl make it rotate/Clap clap that ass for me/Girl back it up/put that ass on me, Kiera took off her bra and shook everything her momma gave her. “I don’t know what happened,” Kiera told reporters who Geeroy had hired to capture this magical moment, adding that his eyes got this glossy look, then he pointed and yelled out “Boobees”, after which he started giggling like a little boy. “I’ve been with a lot of men and I’ve never had one point and yell out Boobees. Of course I was upset. So I did what any respectable Hooters girl would do. I grabbed my thong, my cd and after leaving the bill on the table I left. All I know is that he was crying when I closed the door.” Geeroy, remains puzzled over why she got so upset. “I’ve seen thousands of boobee’s online and hers looked great. I was just showing my appreciation for them.” As of this article Geeroy has stopped shopping at the vegetarian fish market for fear of running into Kiera, and is currently adding how to use the condoms he bought to his cue card set. Who knows when he will get another opportunity but Geeroy promises that he will keep the world informed via his new website www.helpgeeroyscoresomeass.com  

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